Season 1 ep 4: Breaking Up with Negative Thoughts
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[00:00:00] Hey everyone. Welcome back to Baseline. And boundaries, A Mindset revolution with Dr. Tamika Scott. I'm Dr. Tamika Scott, your host, your mindset coach, your leadership guru, and your thought partner in transition. Now, in today's episode is directly for all the people who are doing the most, um, but you still find yourself questioning your worth every time you get a win.
Today's episode is called Breaking Up with Negative Thoughts. And the question is, can your positive thoughts stand alone? Woo. Now that's a question for you. And that question came from a conversation that I had with some amazing person that I get to call my best friend who happens to also be my husband.
He asked the question of, can your positive thoughts stand alone? And I had to stop [00:01:00] and sit with that because there have been many moments and many times where mine rarely do.
So let's talk about what that even means. When something good happens or you feel proud of yourself, you do an immediate, but it's almost like. You'll say, I did a good job facilitating that meeting, but I should have spoke up with more clarity or asked more questions during the q and a. Another one would be, my boss compliments me, but maybe she's doing it and she really doesn't mean it.
Or another one could be. I was really confident today. But I hope it didn't come off as arrogant. That's what I mean by your positive thoughts, not being able to stand on their own. You're not letting yourself sit in your win, and we all do [00:02:00] it. If you're a first generation or a first time professional, we're the type of people who we've learned to.
Overachieve over. Correct. Just to feel safe in our careers. But my friend, at some point that self check-in turns into Dun and walks in self-sabotage.
So here's why we do it. The brain's job is to protect us. So let's talk about the brain science for a second. I. But don't worry, I'll keep it simple and cute and digestible. Our brain's number one job is survival. It's not joy. It's not success. It's not confidence. It's survival. That means it's constantly scanning for threats.
Physical ones, yes, but also emotional ones like judgment, rejection, embarrassment, [00:03:00] shame. So even sometimes good happens, your brain wants to analyze it, protect you from getting too comfortable, too visible or too open about being hurt.
And if you've ever been overlooked, dismissed, or made to feel too much in a room that wasn't ready for your power, then you, my friend. You know, your brain is working its way all up in your thoughts, but just because that pattern is normal doesn't mean that it's necessary now. So you may be saying, Tamika, so then how should I be showing up in spaces?
Well, let me bring it closer to the work context. Because many of you listening are leaders. You're emerging executives, you're entrepreneurs. You're out here doing all of the the great, amazing things, and these are the folks that are carrying a lot on our shoulders. See, I had a client, let's call her Rena, [00:04:00] who led a highly visible project.
I mean, she killed it. Data-driven, team engaged, clean execution, beautiful. When her director publicly praised her,
she told me, Tamika, I appreciated it, but I kept thinking, was it really that good? And I asked her, can't the praise just be, can it just land and live there without discretion? And that was a breakthrough moment for her. So I wanna take a moment and just give you three tools that I think can be very useful whenever you find yourself going back and forth with the mind drama.
So here's the first tool I want you to try. I want you to ask yourself, does this thought, does this thought serve me today [00:05:00] in this moment? And if the answer is no, if it makes you shrink, second guess, or spiral, it's not serving you, sis. Now, it doesn't mean that it's a bad thought, it just means that it's not useful right now.
So you can just kindly tell your brain, thank you so much for that thought, but I don't need that right now. Another tool you can use is redirecting script. So when you have a negative thought that pops up, you are not trying to wrestle with it. You don't have to fight every thought. But you can redirect it and so that sounds something like this.
Yes, I was nervous, but I still delivered with impact. Or maybe a yes, I could have done it differently, but I did the best I could with what I had. Or another one could be, yes, I'm growing and there is [00:06:00] so much more to come. And I'm more than enough right now. We're not pretending perfection. We are just letting the positive lead.
So let's pause to reflect I want you to think about your mental playlist. What are the thoughts that are on repeat? Are they rooted in fear? Is it shame? Is it self-judgment? Or are you giving airtime to thoughts that are rooted in celebration, confidence, your worthiness?
And I want you to find one positive thought that you believe right now, even if it's small, it could easily be something like. I've come so far, or I've showed up for myself today, or I am really proud of the way that I handled that. Go me now. Let that thought stand [00:07:00] alone. Don't try to dress it up. Don't quantify it.
Just let it be. Say it out loud if you need to. This is your mindset revolution in real time. Now one more thing. I wanna touch on something a little bit deeper, and this is how this pattern of undercutting our wins affect our relationships. Because when you can't receive a compliment or a affirmation for yourself, it doesn't just affect you.
It can create distance in your relationships and your partnerships, and even your mentorships.
You may be dismissing people who genuinely see you and value you. You may be unintentionally training people to not celebrate you because you wanna wave their praise [00:08:00] away. That's not humility. That's a habit that we just need to unlearn. And here's how you can unlearn it.
Here's a simple prompt that I think will help see how I just played myself? I think it'll help. I know it will help. See is a perfect example. I am the living testimony. Um, this is a prompt that I know will help and I know it will help because I've used it, I've shared it with my clients, and now I'm sharing it with you.
And it's helped because they've shared back with me that it has helped them. So here it's, let's go. That's me over. Um, what is it? That is me over correcting over, um, giving more information than needed. You know, I am, again, a walking testimony of the different aspects of our mind in real time. So here is the sentence that I want you to finish.
[00:09:00] I am proud of myself for, and I'll use me as an example. I am proud of myself for not just creating one podcast episode I, and then stop. Let that thought stand on its own. Write it, say it. Speak it into your voice notes. Whatever you do, share it on Instagram. Tag me if you want to, but I want to see what you're claiming for yourself because your positive thoughts deserve space.
They deserve to live without apology. And you, my friend. You are brilliant. You're bold, you're more than capable, and you deserve to believe in your amazingness out loud. That's how it works. That's the revolution, and that's how we get to [00:10:00] seeing it's differently so that we can do it differently. So until next time, protect your peace, challenge your patterns, and let your positive thoughts stand all by themselves.
Until next time. See you soon.
